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Endless battle.

“You only are because of your pretty face”,

I’ve heard from a thousand women,

moving from place to place.

Please, darling, don’t get in a twist,

I have learned over the years that I just have to exist,

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to receive the up and down, from each girl in whatever town.

The primary reason for success,

is from hard work, nothing less.

I exercise my brain and put it to the test.

Ending mentally exhausting days,

with physical exercise for balance and play.

My only intention is to remain mentally and physically fit.

Your seething hatred is your own hindrance, positivity is your way to acquit.

Please join me in the empowerment of all women alike.

Why must it always be a competition,

always a fight?

✌Gia Marie 2017 ©

 

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Bang.

Bang.

Anytime a shot rings out,

The echo continues, while my heart stops.

Then races,

the sweat starts.

I can feel it in my inner being.

I am suddenly transported to a different place,

a different, younger version of myself.

You don’t have time to think,

it’s happening faster than a blink.

Protect your siblings first,

Call for help and save your father.

Then go find his curse.

With the same lack of emotion, she had when she pulled the trigger,

she is now on the phone planning something bigger.

I AM THE VICTIM.

A poor helpless woman she pleads.

While my father with bullets in his back

Lies in the grass and bleeds.

The lies continue to the paramedics, to the police.

Off to your Aunt’s you go, this was your father’s fault.

But, I know better.

I saw the pure hatred in your eyes,

right before you spread your lies.

She fooled them all,

but as soon as she finds her way to life’s gates,

will she stand so tall?

Suddenly the present is back,

where am I, am I ok?

It was just a car backfiring,

I guess I will be on my way.

✌Gia Marie 2017 ©

 

 

Posted on by ifindstrengthinpain

The art of the dance.

Surrounded by familiar faces,

Biting my tongue with such patience,

They disguise their disdain,

while I disguise my pain.

Fake smiles in every corner of my eye,

constant exasperated sighs.

Neither of us understands each other’s world,

but they make me feel so small, like a little girl.

Going straight back to the playground,

Watching the girl’s on the merry-go-round

“You’re cooler than me”

I thought then,

I think now.

There goes the girl with faded jeans straight from a trailer,

they only let her in, because it would be discrimination to fail her.

You can be smart, but you are still not a part.

Your scarred, childhood demeanor still shows through.

Your eloquent tongue accidentally silences,

and the fight for survival begins.

How do you calm the lion that still roars with anger from within?

Still holding onto hope, fighting desperately to win.

Every obstacle that has been triumphed thus far,

to be singularly smashed

with one glimpse of the past

exposing enough to be debarred.

You did it again, you’re supposed to hide that part.

You can not succeed in their world until you remember their art.

Fake smiles and passive-aggressive glances are your best chance,

to win their dance.

Stop the aggressive honesty,

you are a woman,

it is not welcomed, please act accordingly.

✌Gia Marie 2017 ©

 

 

 

 

Posted on by ifindstrengthinpain

In life, we meet the unhappy versions of ourselves.

 

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As my feet pound on the damp pavement ahead of me, I take in the beauty I am surrounded by. I have always been in awe of nature. Pretty much all nature, even when it has destructive moments. The fact that basically, as humans, we plan; yet no matter how well we plan.. nature still has more control of our event than we do. Well, aside from the harm we continually do to our environment without so much as flinching. But, that topic is for another time.. Our utter lack of control over nature and what it intends to do the day I plan a large outdoor event reminds me of how small I really am in the grand scheme of things.  I like not being in control of nature. It’s one less thing I really have to worry about. If it rains, it rains. There is literally nothing I can do to control that. Yes, it may throw a wrench in my afternoon, outdoor run, but… it is what it is. To the gym, I shall go instead! There is no sense in getting rattled about something you cannot control. I have to constantly remind myself of this. Another grand example is other people’s actions. Sometimes, when people lack consideration I am in awe just like when I view nature. I have a hard time grasping the reasoning for people’s actions sometimes. But, I have no control over it. I must drill this into my brain since sometimes as humans we witness some pretty horrendous things that people do to one another.

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I have always had the habit of making myself a part of situations that did not involve me originally. Stepping in whether or not I was invited. But, I have a hard time witnessing any type of injustice in this world, without stepping in. Now, you may be saying: “Good for you, standing up to people”. Wrong. I am a woman, and I live in the South. My abrasiveness is not received well in the south. I am often labeled as “bossy”, or just plain a “b!tch”.

Now, sometimes my strong personality, reaps benefits. I find someone who appreciates my blunt honesty, and my intolerance of bs. I find myself in leadership roles or management positions. Until someone decides I am threatening their purpose in life and decides to wage an all out war on me. Now you may find that to be a very specific claim, but it seems to be a repetitive theme in my life. Each year I get a little bit closer to learning how to deal with these women who choose to make me their enemy instead of a friend. They typically do not include me in this decision. As a “strong, independent, woman” I would value another females friendship. I am all about empowering other women since I know we have already been born to the disadvantage of being able to peak in our professional lives the same as a man. The worst part about it is, the women I am referring to.. they are typically a lot like me. I feel like a teenage girl whining because I just want to scream: “WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?!”.  I always feel that there is a wealth of knowledge we can learn from the other since we both seek it. I don’t want their jobs, I do not want whatever it is they think I am seeking to take from them. I just want their support as being another woman making it in the working world. I have tried a lot of methods over the years to win these women’s favor. I have all but kissed their a$$ in most situations. But, I have yet to win one over once they determined I was their Darth Vader. Now, you may be thinking… “why do you care”. Normally it is being these women take the extra steps to make sure I care.. I have had so many “discussions” with superiors, based on false accusations. Also, I can never figure out what it is what I have done to them to make them seek to destroy. mahatma_gandhi_peace_quotes_wallpapersHaving studied psychology and sociology I always find it most intriguing when a person simply has no reason to dislike someone. Just, WHY? Of course, I understand that “misery loves company” and I often find these women to be the unhappy versions of myself. Unfortunately, they fail to realize they are responsible for their own happiness, no one else. This often leads me to feel sorry for them and pray for them, to be quite honest. But,  to sum it all up, ladies can we not just empower each other, instead of using so much negative energy to destroy one another?  I just do not get it. But, I must remind myself.. I have no control over the actions of others. 

✌Gia Marie 2017 ©