Tragedy on a loop.

Tragedy is not a contest,

But, if it were, I might be able to compete.

My life is one tragedy after another,

on repeat.

It finds me no matter how far I run.

No matter how many times I scream, “I’M DONE!”

I cannot take anymore!

Can I not just breathe a normal breath of air?

I do not ask for this despair,

Each time I ache just the same.

Each time it’s harder to bear the pain.

I feel like the weight of the world rests upon my shoulders,

I look in front of me and I can only see more boulders.

I am afraid soon I will break.

My heart can only withstand so much weight before it dissipates.

Gia Marie 2017 ©

Tainted Hero’s.

 

Lifelong heroes.

are no longer victorious.

faltering between the lines of good and bad.

Black and white.

Smoke and lights.

Who to believe..

who has deceived.

Heroes thought to be the mirror of righteousness

are tainted with sins that defy every preconception

I no longer know my direction.

I now realize that Superman & Batman,

are actually a cross between Lex Luther and the Joker.

A gamble, no different than poker.

If the only people I could be certain were good,

just are not.

what then.

is the world really just this bad?

There is not good left?

Or is this my final test?

Can I handle my bubble popped?

My world stopped?

Holding on to memories of a simpler time.

Before I understood.

That even the best of the best,

can turn out to be, not good.

Gia Marie 2017 ©

 

 

 

 

 

Bang.

Bang.

Anytime a shot rings out,

The echo continues, while my heart stops.

Then races,

the sweat starts.

I can feel it in my inner being.

I am suddenly transported to a different place,

a different, younger version of myself.

You don’t have time to think,

it’s happening faster than a blink.

Protect your siblings first,

Call for help and save your father.

Then go find his curse.

With the same lack of emotion, she had when she pulled the trigger,

she is now on the phone planning something bigger.

I AM THE VICTIM.

A poor helpless woman she pleads.

While my father with bullets in his back

Lies in the grass and bleeds.

The lies continue to the paramedics, to the police.

Off to your Aunt’s you go, this was your father’s fault.

But, I know better.

I saw the pure hatred in your eyes,

right before you spread your lies.

She fooled them all,

but as soon as she finds her way to life’s gates,

will she stand so tall?

Suddenly the present is back,

where am I, am I ok?

It was just a car backfiring,

I guess I will be on my way.

Gia Marie 2017 ©

 

 

Don’t Speak.

Don’t speak.

I remind myself day after day.

But, the vile words slither off my tongue at each sign of provocation.

It’s like my more primal instinct kicks in, and I scream..

: YOU WILL NOT: disrespect ME in that way.

Before I know it I am gasping to suck the words back in my mouth.

My eyes scream desperation for help.

I know.

I have done it again.

That bridge is now demolished.

And I am left with nothing but my slithering tongue.

and my pain.

My pain for knowing my sharp tongue is the self-destruction I bring on myself.

It is my curse.

It is my curse that I recognize, but cannot correct.

It could simply be cured if I were only to encounter respect.

Gia Marie 2017 ©

 

 

Terror of the Night

I wake up drenched in sweat,

my knuckles bare white,

grasping the soaked sheets tight.

Rise straight up while gasping for air,

engulfed by the dark,

My chest rising with my fast beating heart,

what the hell just happened?

am I home, am I OK?

The moonlight gleams into the room,

I recognize things around me soon.

I am OK, I am in bed.

Another lost memory buries deep in my head.

See you tomorrow terror of the night,

I’ll remember this time,

I’ll conquer you.

I will not give up the fight.

No more sweat beads on my hair,

no more waking with feelings of despair.

This time I will not wake and feel so grim.

This time terror of the night I will win.

                   ✌Gia Marie 2017 ©