Tragedy on a loop.

Tragedy is not a contest,

But, if it were, I might be able to compete.

My life is one tragedy after another,

on repeat.

It finds me no matter how far I run.

No matter how many times I scream, “I’M DONE!”

I cannot take anymore!

Can I not just breathe a normal breath of air?

I do not ask for this despair,

Each time I ache just the same.

Each time it’s harder to bear the pain.

I feel like the weight of the world rests upon my shoulders,

I look in front of me and I can only see more boulders.

I am afraid soon I will break.

My heart can only withstand so much weight before it dissipates.

Gia Marie 2017 ©

Stand back.

Who I am, depends.

It depends on tomorrow,

what is my next trial?

upcoming lesson?

I will grow this way or that.

Depending on each decision,

increasing in precision.

Making my life worth living.

Here comes one more tribulation…

can I not get an emotional vacation?

I cannot handle another death..

I am running out of tears,

there are almost none left.

What is the next test?

One more stab from a stranger,

never running out of danger.

Occasionally this evolves into anger.

Before I take another step,

I must take a deep breath…

Gia Marie 2017 ©

Endless battle.

“You only are because of your pretty face”,

I’ve heard from a thousand women,

moving from place to place.

Please, darling, don’t get in a twist,

I have learned over the years that I just have to exist,


to receive the up and down, from each girl in whatever town.

The primary reason for success,

is from hard work, nothing less.

I exercise my brain and put it to the test.

Ending mentally exhausting days,

with physical exercise for balance and play.

My only intention is to remain mentally and physically fit.

Your seething hatred is your own hindrance, positivity is your way to acquit.

Please join me in the empowerment of all women alike.

Why must it always be a competition,

always a fight?

Gia Marie 2017 ©


Tainted Hero’s.


Lifelong heroes.

are no longer victorious.

faltering between the lines of good and bad.

Black and white.

Smoke and lights.

Who to believe..

who has deceived.

Heroes thought to be the mirror of righteousness

are tainted with sins that defy every preconception

I no longer know my direction.

I now realize that Superman & Batman,

are actually a cross between Lex Luther and the Joker.

A gamble, no different than poker.

If the only people I could be certain were good,

just are not.

what then.

is the world really just this bad?

There is not good left?

Or is this my final test?

Can I handle my bubble popped?

My world stopped?

Holding on to memories of a simpler time.

Before I understood.

That even the best of the best,

can turn out to be, not good.

Gia Marie 2017 ©






To be ok.

Today I just want to be OK.

I am tired of feeling unwell.

I am tired of feeling different.

I am just tired.

I am tired of the endless mental strain of addiction,

constantly being surrounded by my old habits,

Saying no to socially acceptable alcohol

thus, creating a racket.

NO? Why not?

Tired of having to explain,

it’s none of your business,

it’s none of your pain.

I am tired of this endless pressure weighing on my chest,

like there is a part of me attempting to claw itself out,

and until then, I will never feel rest.

I constantly feel the weight, like I am about to suffocate.

I am tired of worrying.

about everything.

and everyone.

The earthquake across the world,

my friend is going through a divorce,

I am the sole support for a plethora of people,

there are so many people still sick and suffering from addiction.

We are literally responsible for destroying our planet, 

and have done so in less than a century.

There are so many problems that already have solutions.

But our continued through the generation’s, 1% chooses to line their pockets instead of save mankind.

I am tired of all the pain.

I am tired of all the sadness.

I am tired.

Can’t I not get a parking ticket today?

Or not simultaneously get splashed by an ongoing car?

I am tired.

Today, I just want to be OK.

Can I please just catch a break…

Gia Marie 2017 ©



The art of the dance.

Surrounded by familiar faces,

Biting my tongue with such patience,

They disguise their disdain,

while I disguise my pain.

Fake smiles in every corner of my eye,

constant exasperated sighs.

Neither of us understands each other’s world,

but they make me feel so small, like a little girl.

Going straight back to the playground,

Watching the girl’s on the merry-go-round

“You’re cooler than me”

I thought then,

I think now.

There goes the girl with faded jeans straight from a trailer,

they only let her in, because it would be discrimination to fail her.

You can be smart, but you are still not a part.

Your scarred, childhood demeanor still shows through.

Your eloquent tongue accidentally silences,

and the fight for survival begins.

How do you calm the lion that still roars with anger from within?

Still holding onto hope, fighting desperately to win.

Every obstacle that has been triumphed thus far,

to be singularly smashed

with one glimpse of the past

exposing enough to be debarred.

You did it again, you’re supposed to hide that part.

You can not succeed in their world until you remember their art.

Fake smiles and passive-aggressive glances are your best chance,

to win their dance.

Stop the aggressive honesty,

you are a woman,

it is not welcomed, please act accordingly.

Gia Marie 2017 ©






Anxiety can encompass the entire body in moments,

the world keeps moving, but you are still, suffocating.

Your mind cannot connect to your body to make your next move.

Your heart rate increases until you are sure you will collapse.

It’s too much.

You feel too much.

You just want to run to the closest hole and crawl inside.

No people, no noise, nothing.

Now you are sweating, it’s so hot.

Won’t someone turn on the air?

Who cares if it is Winter, you feel like you’re in a sauna.

Your mind is racing with every self-loathing thought you could possibly imagine.

Why did I say that? Were they laughing at me? WHY CAN’T I STOP ________.

Fill in the blank, because you have a million.


the voice inside your head screams.

So, you frantically rush to find your hole.

To attempt to take control.

Sometimes this works,

sometimes it doesn’t.

Either way, it’s like your whole body feels nails on chalkboard enter your being.

Then, it could be over just like that.

I’d like to welcome you, to when anxiety attacks.

 ✌Gia Marie 2017 ©



Don’t Speak.

Don’t speak.

I remind myself day after day.

But, the vile words slither off my tongue at each sign of provocation.

It’s like my more primal instinct kicks in, and I scream..

: YOU WILL NOT: disrespect ME in that way.

Before I know it I am gasping to suck the words back in my mouth.

My eyes scream desperation for help.

I know.

I have done it again.

That bridge is now demolished.

And I am left with nothing but my slithering tongue.

and my pain.

My pain for knowing my sharp tongue is the self-destruction I bring on myself.

It is my curse.

It is my curse that I recognize, but cannot correct.

It could simply be cured if I were only to encounter respect.

Gia Marie 2017 ©



Terror of the Night

I wake up drenched in sweat,

my knuckles bare white,

grasping the soaked sheets tight.

Rise straight up while gasping for air,

engulfed by the dark,

My chest rising with my fast beating heart,

what the hell just happened?

am I home, am I OK?

The moonlight gleams into the room,

I recognize things around me soon.

I am OK, I am in bed.

Another lost memory buries deep in my head.

See you tomorrow terror of the night,

I’ll remember this time,

I’ll conquer you.

I will not give up the fight.

No more sweat beads on my hair,

no more waking with feelings of despair.

This time I will not wake and feel so grim.

This time terror of the night I will win.

                   ✌Gia Marie 2017 ©


In life, we meet the unhappy versions of ourselves.



As my feet pound on the damp pavement ahead of me, I take in the beauty I am surrounded by. I have always been in awe of nature. Pretty much all nature, even when it has destructive moments. The fact that basically, as humans, we plan; yet no matter how well we plan.. nature still has more control of our event than we do. Well, aside from the harm we continually do to our environment without so much as flinching. But, that topic is for another time.. Our utter lack of control over nature and what it intends to do the day I plan a large outdoor event reminds me of how small I really am in the grand scheme of things.  I like not being in control of nature. It’s one less thing I really have to worry about. If it rains, it rains. There is literally nothing I can do to control that. Yes, it may throw a wrench in my afternoon, outdoor run, but… it is what it is. To the gym, I shall go instead! There is no sense in getting rattled about something you cannot control. I have to constantly remind myself of this. Another grand example is other people’s actions. Sometimes, when people lack consideration I am in awe just like when I view nature. I have a hard time grasping the reasoning for people’s actions sometimes. But, I have no control over it. I must drill this into my brain since sometimes as humans we witness some pretty horrendous things that people do to one another.


I have always had the habit of making myself a part of situations that did not involve me originally. Stepping in whether or not I was invited. But, I have a hard time witnessing any type of injustice in this world, without stepping in. Now, you may be saying: “Good for you, standing up to people”. Wrong. I am a woman, and I live in the South. My abrasiveness is not received well in the south. I am often labeled as “bossy”, or just plain a “b!tch”.

Now, sometimes my strong personality, reaps benefits. I find someone who appreciates my blunt honesty, and my intolerance of bs. I find myself in leadership roles or management positions. Until someone decides I am threatening their purpose in life and decides to wage an all out war on me. Now you may find that to be a very specific claim, but it seems to be a repetitive theme in my life. Each year I get a little bit closer to learning how to deal with these women who choose to make me their enemy instead of a friend. They typically do not include me in this decision. As a “strong, independent, woman” I would value another females friendship. I am all about empowering other women since I know we have already been born to the disadvantage of being able to peak in our professional lives the same as a man. The worst part about it is, the women I am referring to.. they are typically a lot like me. I feel like a teenage girl whining because I just want to scream: “WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?!”.  I always feel that there is a wealth of knowledge we can learn from the other since we both seek it. I don’t want their jobs, I do not want whatever it is they think I am seeking to take from them. I just want their support as being another woman making it in the working world. I have tried a lot of methods over the years to win these women’s favor. I have all but kissed their a$$ in most situations. But, I have yet to win one over once they determined I was their Darth Vader. Now, you may be thinking… “why do you care”. Normally it is being these women take the extra steps to make sure I care.. I have had so many “discussions” with superiors, based on false accusations. Also, I can never figure out what it is what I have done to them to make them seek to destroy. mahatma_gandhi_peace_quotes_wallpapersHaving studied psychology and sociology I always find it most intriguing when a person simply has no reason to dislike someone. Just, WHY? Of course, I understand that “misery loves company” and I often find these women to be the unhappy versions of myself. Unfortunately, they fail to realize they are responsible for their own happiness, no one else. This often leads me to feel sorry for them and pray for them, to be quite honest. But,  to sum it all up, ladies can we not just empower each other, instead of using so much negative energy to destroy one another?  I just do not get it. But, I must remind myself.. I have no control over the actions of others. 

Gia Marie 2017 ©